Bullet
by TatumTot
Summary: Lovino Romano Vargas is a freshman, he has ranked second best all of his life, and it hurts. He is starting in a new school in the middle of the year, and he wants to die. Infact, he has been planning to do just that. Rating M for language, highschool AU.
1. Chapter 1

_So this is my first fanfic. Ever. I am more so writing this story as a vent about a friend very dear to me who cuts for similar reasons to Lovino. Please feel free to review, but try to be polite, I am a bit rusty at writing as I haven't written in years. This story is inspired by my friend of course, and I hope life gets better for you deary, I love you so much. It is also inspired by the song 'Bullet' By Hollywood Undead. Here is a better summary:_

_"Lovino Romano Vargas was a freshman at Garvin highschool. He lived with his grandfather, Roma Vargas or as he and his brother called him, Nonno, and his brother Feliciano Veneziano Vargas. His parents had upped and left when he and Feliciano were only five, leaving them with there grandfather. Lovino had grown up always second best to Feliciano. Everyone loved his brother more, bot that Lovino ever held a grudge towards him for it, in fact Lovino doted on his younger twin more than anyone else. But, Lovino instead blamed himself. Blamed himself for not being good enough. For not being strong enough. Not kind enough. And so, young Lovino Romano Vargas began secretly cutting and plotting his own demise at the very young age of twelve."_

* * *

><p><em>My legs are dangling off the edge <em>

_The bottom of the bottle is my only friend _

_I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm_

_Gone, gone, gone, gone_

"Fuck!" Lovino cursed softly as he heard a knock on the oak door. "Ve~ Fratello, are you done in the bathroom yet? You're taking awhile!" Feliciano's voice drifted into the washroom. "I'm fine Feli, just give me a few more minutes, I lost my toothbrush." Lovino lied, wrapping white gauze around his forearm tightly and pinning it in place with a clip. He heard his brother's retreating foot steps and breathed a sigh of relief. He had gone a tiny bit overboard with the cutting again. But it was the first day of a new school, he was nervous dammit!

Lovino exited the bathroom after he had washed the blood off his hands and thrown a navy blue hoodie and his loose black t-shirt. The last thing he had done was wash the small razor blade he used to injure himself and put it away in a small black box, slipping it into his pocket so he would have it for today. "Loviiiiii~" Lovino groaned as his brother flew past him and into the washroom. Obviously He had been in there cutting longer than he thought. He trudged down the stairs an grabbed a granola bar for breakfast and headed out to the bus stop followed by a flustered and chatty Feliciano.

When he got to school the first class was already about to start, and he didn't have first block with Feliciano, much to his displeasure. He parted ways and headed to his first block, gym. He already knew it was going to be hell, he would have to wear a hoodie or sweat jacket to cover his arms, not to mention get changed in a small bathroom stall to hide his arms. So he did exactly that. As he walked out to the gym hallway he looked around at the other kids in his class. There was a Japanese boy who seemed nice enough, but he was sticking near a Chinese boy who had a tall, scary, man with an almost visible dark aura hanging over him. All three were staring at him, not that he was surprised. It was the middle of the school year and he had suddenly shown up, that and they were all in t-shirts and shorts, and he was in sweat pants and a sweat jacket.

After waiting some time a teacher let them into the gym. Lovino immediately went off to the side, ignoring the stares he was getting, and watched the teacher, who was apparently called Mr. Beilschmidt, explain they would be playing shirts VS skins basket ball. Lovino groaned and lined up with the others, terrified of being picked for the skins team. Mr. Beilschmidt began numbering them off when a very flustered senior burst through the door. "Sorry I am late Mr. Beilschmidt!" he apologized, taking up a spot by the teacher, grinning. The teacher nodded in acknowledgement and numbered Lovino to the skins side. "Oi! I am not playing on skins!" he protest, crossing his arms and staring down the teacher, not noticing the student aid staring at him curiously. The teacher blinked at him "Und vhy not?" he asked in heavily accent German, looking rather annoyed. Lovino didn't back down, much to the other students shock. "Because, I don't want to!" he growled back, suddenly shivering as he became aware of the staring. The teacher rolled his eyes "Fine, fine. Shirts it is." he grumbled, waving the boy off, not in the mood to deal with troubled students today.

Lovino sat on the sidelines, waiting to be subbed in. Suddenly he was aware of someone sitting beside him and he turned to face the person, finding himself looking into the eager, sparkling green eyes of the student aid. "Er, can I help you?" Lovino asked in a rather irritated sounding voice. The senior blinked and then grinned. "Hola~ I just wanted to introduce myself! I'm Antonio, the student aid for this class!" he sang rather happily in a way that made Lovino visibly flinch. He hate how some people could be so damn happy all the time. "Er, I'm Lovino Vargas. I just moved here." He responded, before watching the game. He actually wasn't interested in the game, it was just the Spainish boy was making him feel uncomfortable. "So." he heard the Spainard awkwardly try to rekindle the conversation "Any reason your wearing sweatpants and a jacket when it's hot out?" Lovino bristled and turned on the student aid. "That's none of your god damn business tomato bastard!" he growled angrily, Rather baffled as the Spainard watched him with that damn grin on his face. Lovino felt his face flush red and Antonio grabbed him in a hug, causing Lovino to gasp as the wounds on his arms were reopened. "Uwah~ Lovi you're so cute! Your face looks like a tomato!" Lovino struggled free of the hug and backed up "What the hell!" Lovino growled as he backed up "Who told you that you could call me Lovi tomato bastard?" Lovino snarled and flipped Antonio the bird, stomping onto the court as he was subbed in. He realized after a short amount of play time that Antonio was still watching him with that stupid grin. Damn. This school year was going to be hell.

* * *

><p><em>It was short, I know. It's only the first chapter, there will be more. Please (politely) point out any mistakes I may make to help me improve in the future!<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_So here is chapter two. I would like to thank the two reviewers from the last chapter. I am sorry again for any grammer mistakes, and the gap between updates. The reason for this is the chapters are all typed up on my ipod whenever I get a free chance, and then I upload it to the computers at school and post. That is also the reason that there may be a few grammer/spelling mistakes or a few strange sentences. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the next chapter. As always, polite reviews are loved. If you can point out any mistakes I will try to go in and fix them when I get a chance!_

* * *

><p><em>My legs are dangling off the edge<em>  
><em>A stomach full of pills didn't work again<em>  
><em>I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm<em>  
><em>Gone, gone, gone, gone<em>

The rest of the block was uneventful really. Lovino ran to the washroom as soon as he was subbed off to check of his cuts, making sure they weren't bleeding to badly. He counted his lucky stars that Antonio didn't follow him, and by the time he returned to the gym, Antonio was gone and it was time to change. The next block was history, at least this class was with Feliciano. He scowled when he got there, only to find his brother seating between a blond boy, who was tall and extremely terrifying looking, and a quiet, small Asian boy. It seemed his brother had already made friends. Of course. He took a seat and stared at the boy in front of him, he seemed almost transparent. He tapped the boy on the shoulder, causing him to jump slightly. "OH!" The boy exclaimed, pushing his glasses up and blinking light violet eyes at Lovino. "Y-You can see me?" His voice was soft and hopeful sounding, causing Lovino to scoff. "Of course you idiot, why would I not be able to?" The boy pause for a moment and looked down. "Because no one ever does." Came the his soft reply. Lovino blinked, and then stared at the boy. What the heck did he mean no one ever 'saw' him? "What's your name?" The blonde haired boy asked Lovino shyly, snapping him from his thoughts. "Er, Lovino. Lovino Vargas." He muttered extending his hand to the boy. "Matthew Williams." The blonde boy responded softly.

Lovino jumped from his seat when the bell rang, throwing his books into his bag. As he slung the pack over his shoulder, he felt a light tap on his shoulder. Lovino groaned as he watched his brother bound from the class with his two new friends, and then turned to look at the person who had tapped him. He turned and realized it was Matthew. During the history block Lovino and Matthew had talked with each other a fair amount. Lovino learnt that Matthew was born in Canada and was afraid of storms, he also learned that the boy loved pancakes, maple syrup, hockey, polar bears, snow, and the colour red. The most interesting thing that Matthew had let slip however, was the fact that he had a boyfriend, who was in the senior class. This surprised Lovino, as Matthew didn't strike him as someone who was gay, he had never actually met an openly gay person before, and expected them to be loud, flamboyant, and crazy like on TV. Matthew was so shy. Lovino was getting side tracked and shook his head, returning to the present. "Yeah Matthew?" He asked the boy who had tapped him, obviously to get his attention. Matthew smiled at Lovino and shuffled his feet. "Well I was wondering, since you're new and all, you might want to sit at our table at lunch, eh?" He asked, looking rather nervous. Lovino smiled. "That would be nice actually." He said, and followed Matthew to the cafeteria.

When Lovino reached the Caf, as it was commonly referred to, with Matthew and followed him to his regular table. Lovino realized no one else was at the table yet, and sat in the seat beside Matthew. It was only a few minutes later that a senior came over to their table. Lovino noted that he had hair and a face shape similar to Matthew's, minus the weird curl that Matthew had going on, and bright blue eyes. He sat across from Matthew and gave Lovino a questioning look. "Ah, bonjour Matthieu. Qui est-il?" Matthew rolled his eyes and replied in english, much to Lovino's relief. "Bonjour Francis. This is Lovino Vargas, he is new here." He explained, before turning to Lovino. "Lovino, this is my cousin, Francis Bonnefoy." Lovino looked at the french senior and snorted, folding his arms over his chest. He didn't like the way that creepy french bastard was looking at him one bit. "BIRDIE!" Lovino jumped slightly forward at the outburst, and turned to his side to see a hyper albino senior literally jump into the seat beside Matthew. Lovino smirked slightly when he saw Matthew blush. "H-hi Gil..." He heard the Canadian whisper softly, making the albino grin. Lovino looked behind the albino, Gilbert as Matthew had told him earlier, and saw the terrifying blonde from history coming his way. It was then Lovino scowled, for behind the blonde bounced Feliciano, dragging the asian boy along behind him. The blonde sat across from Gilbert, Feliciano sitting inbetween him and the asian, and scowled at the albino. "Bruder." He growled, causing Lovino's frown to grow. So the blonde was brothers with Gilbert, at they were German. Great. It was then Feliciano reconized him "FRATELLO!" He cried happily, causing everyone at the table to halt their conversations and stare. It was then that Lovino noticed that sometime during his scowling and glaring at the blonde German, several other people had sat down with them. There was another blonde, who looked like Matthew with shorter hair and blue eyes, a tanned girl with long brown hair tied in pigtails with red ribbon, and... Lovino nearly choked on his drink he hadn't realized he was drinking. Antonio sat right across from him looking, like everyone else was, between Lovino and Feliciano wearing that damn grin. "So you two are related?"

Lovino found himself staring at Antonio, gaping like an idiot, for quite awhile, that was until he realize Feliciano was at his side, grasping his arm tightly. He yelped loudly and jumped up, ripping his arm away from his brother. If the cuts hadn't been opened before, they were now. "Well shit Feli! That hurt!" He growled, cradling his arm close. Feliciano's usually cheerful expression slipped to a sad and confused one. "But fratello, all I did was grab your arm." he whined. Lovino then realized that grabbing someones arm should hurt as much as he let on. "Sorry, you suprised me more than anything..." He muttered, sitting back down, still aware of the stares he was receiving from the others at the table as he cradled his arm. It was then he realized that Gilbert was talking to him, damn he needed to stop zoning out! He stared at Gilbert blankly, and the albino sighed. "I said, aren't you eating?" Gilbert repeated, gesturing to the empty table space infront of Lovino. Lovino scowled at Gilbert. "Shut up you damn Potato Bastard. It doesn't concern you!" He growled to the German. Feliciano was frowning at him. "Lovi, that wasn't very nice. Veh~" He hummed. Lovino gave another snarl like noise and put his head down on the table. Feliciano looked at his brother and gave another nervous hum. "Don't worry, Lovino never eats lunch, but he always has a huge breakfast and dinner! In fact it's a wonder he is so thin!" Lovi almost cried then, it was good thing his face was buried in his arm. If only his brother knew what he did to himself. Cutting, starving, gagging himself until he vomited up his dinner, and planning his own death. He was such a disappointment. He cleared his mind and put on a neutral face, lifting his head from the table as the bell rang. The others from the table dispersed, and Lovino headed to his next class, art.

* * *

><p><em>Ah yeah, so that's it for this chapter. Uhhh Francis basically says. "Hello Matthew, who is he?" No I didn't use a translator. I live in Canada, I am required to take French, so I can do minor french translations on my own. <em>

_Blonde that looks like Matthew- Alfred obviously  
>Blonde that terrifies Lovino- Ludwig<br>Asian with Feli- Kiku  
>Brown haired girl- MichelleSeychelles_


	3. Chapter 3

_So here is the next chapter to Bullet. I would like to thank everyone for all the favourites and reviews, I really wasn't expecting this little vent story to attract any attention! So thank you very much. *hugs everyone*_

_Okay, so here we find out Matthew was held back a year. It has to do with a sort of prequel story I am making to this one, focused on PruCan. I will most likely start it after this one is close to being done. It isn't song inspired, it spawned from this story actually and is called 'Catch Me if You Can' and it is more cheerful than this one. Atleast so far it is! So look for that in the future I suppose._

_As for my friend, I make sure to see her a few times a week and we do something fun. I always make sure she knows how important, loved, and wanted she is. She recently moved farther away, but only fifteen minutes more, and I think it was a good move for her because they moved to a huge acerage property and got a dog, and she seems a bit happier, so I don't mind the extra 15 minutes. I also recently talked her into arranging with her parents to go with a counseller, so I think she is slowly healing. I hope anyways._

* * *

><p><em>Gone too far yea I'm gone again<em>  
><em>It's gone on too long tell you how it ends<em>  
><em>I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends<em>  
><em>One's a bottle of pills and one's a bottle of gin.<em>

Lovino dragged himself into art and tossed his bag onto one of the desks, slumping into the seats with a huff. He looked around the art room and didn't see anyone he knew. Perfect, just peachy. He pulled out his sketch book and a pencil, beginning to sketch the lines of a young man standing alone. He may not be as good of an artist at his brother, but he was pretty damn good, or at the very least above average. As he continued sketching and shading the drawing too shape, it was rather dark, but then again so was his mind. He was aware of someone hovering over his shoulder, but tried to pay them no mind. Or at least he was until they cleared their throat, causing him to turn around. "Hello." The boy said in a soft voice, Lovino recognized him as the Asian boy, Kiku, Feliciano had been hanging with. "Oh... Hey." Lovino said awkwardly, flipping to a new page in his sketch book quickly. He recognized confusion on Kiku's face and sighed again. "You do realize I am Feliciano's brother, not Feliciano himself right?" Realization passed over Kiku's face. "Oh Lovino I'm sorry I-" Romano cut him off by waving his hand in dismissal."Yeah, yeah, whatever." He grumbled and turned back to his drawing. Kiku hesitated, before leaving Lovino in peace, where he remained sketching by himself for the of the class.

Lovino glared at the clock as he walked into his last class, science. One more block then home, one more block then home... He looked up and saw Matthew sitting in a seat in the back corner, waving to him. He sighed, giving the clock another glare, before heading to sit beside Matthew. They chatted for a bit and Lovino learned another interesting thing about Matthew, he was actually a year older than Lovino. The blonde didn't seem to want to speak much of it, but apparently something happened the year before and he missed three quarters of the school year and had to retake his freshman year. Lovino was rather shocked, as he hadn't been expecting that, well he hadn't been expecting Matthew to be gay either... Anyways, he was also rather curious as to why he had missed so much, but it appeared to be an awkward subject for the other boy, so he quickly dropped it. The majority of class consisted of note taking on who-the-fuck-knows-what and a few assigned questions. When the bell rang Lovino sighed loudly in relief and pack up his things. He yawned, stretched, and slung his pack over his shoulder, and headed out the door after a quick good-bye to Matthew. Now to find Feliciano and walk home, hopefully his brother won't have forgotten and ditched him...

Suprisingly, Feliciano was exactly where he said he would be, and he wasn't with Kiku or the scary blonde, who Lovino still didn't know the name of. Lovino braced himself, then approached his brother. "Oi, fratello, ready to go?" He huffed, not waiting for a response before heading down the street to their home. Feliciano jumped up and darted after his brother, linking elbows and babbling on about pasta, Kiku, and the german who was apparently called Ludwig. Lovino took it all in stride, nodding, forcing a smile and laughing when he felt it was needed. Secretly, he longed to be his brother, not because of all his talents, or because everyone liked him best, oh no never that. Lovino really wished to be like his brother, he supposed. Feliciano was always so happy, and could make anyone smile. In fact, Feliciano was the only one who could make Lovino feel even remotely close to feeling better, and Lovino appreciated that. Before he knew it, they were home and Feliciano was digging in his bag for their keys. Lovino sighed and reached it Feliciano's jacket pocket, pulling out the keys and handing them to his brother, who laughed in response with a soft 'Ve'. He unlocked the door and kicked of his shoes, humming happily and heading into the kitchen. Lovino watched him go with a soft sigh, then headed up to his room, fumbling with the small black box in his pocket as he climbed the stairs.

Lovino placed the box onto his book shelf, pushing it to the back and pulling forward some random knick-knack he had to hid it somewhat. He stretched and locked his door, heading over to his bed and pulling a black, leather bound book from between the two mattresses. With a yawn he crawled into his bed and lay on his stomach, flipping the book open to the front page and scanning it over. He scrunched up his face and scanned over the page yet again, reading his cursive writing scrawled across the page. He sighed, the page was his plan for killing himself. He had a date and time set, along with several possible locations and a rough draft of his suicide note. He still had to plan just _how_ he was going to do it. He flipped to the next page where it listed several methods that he could kill himself with, so far the methods that looked best were hanging, jumping off a bridge, jumping off a building, or overdosing on his grandfather's pain killers. He had considered slitting his wrist, but the survival rate was too high for his liking with that option. He had seriously considered shooting himself, it was so final, so quick. Sadly he had to give up on that one, as he had no where to obtain a gun from, but the option was still starred in his book. He flipped by a few pages, to one that was only filled half way down. It was a record of what he had eaten on certain days, the calorie intake, and his weight. He frown and gave a small sigh as he recorded a new day and what he had eaten for breakfast, before closing the book and slipping it back into it's hiding space with a sigh. He heard his grandfather's voice drift upstairs that it was time for dinner, he hadn't even noticed how much time had passed.


	4. Chapter 4

So, first off I would like to thank everyone who faved/alerted this story or added my to their author alerts. As well as a HUGE thank you to everyone who reviewed, it really means alot, and helps me improve my writing skills.

Second, I would like to apologize for not updating, as several things happened since the last chapter. I feel the need to share because in a way, it relates to this story. I am already crying typing this up, so I hope you understand that chapter updates may be less frequent because of these as well as school. Okay, so here it goes.  
>At around 9am my cousin Kyle's friend got a text from Kyle saying that he was sorry for what he was about to do, and to tell his parents he loved them. He told him he was sorry he didn't write a suicide note. Kyle's friend freaked out and tried to contact him, but Kyle wasn't answering. So he did the next best thing and called my Aunt and Uncle on the way to Kyle's house. When he got there the door was unlocked and Kyle's car was in the driveway. He went in and found Kyle barely awake in the bathroom. He had taken a ton of sleeping pills and slit his wrists. Kyle managed to regester that his friend was there, who tried his best to keep Kyle awake. Kyle kept mumbling that he was sorry, and realized he didn't want to die. My aunt and uncle got there shortly before the paramedics did, right before Kyle fell unconscious. He was taken to the hospital, and was pronounced DOA at 9:34am. They tried to bring him back, but it was hopeless. He killed himself because he felt that no one cared anymore. Another reason was because apparently some other teens were bullying him for being bisexual. Kyle was one of my best friends in the whole world. I told him more than any of my friends or other family members. He knew all my goals, dreams, and fears. He knew what things I liked, and what I liked to do for fun, and accepted them. He didn't ever make fun of me or pester me. He shared the same with me in return. I was one of the first people he told he was bisexual. But he felt like no one cared about him, and because of that and some stupid teens I lost someone very dear to me. So please, please, <em>please <em>remember that suicide is never the right choice. You are important, and loved by someone. Always. You're never alone. I know I said I am writing this story for my friend, but I have cut before, I have been bullimic, but thanks to some friends I realized what I was doing. No one did that for Kyle, because no one knew. Please, if you feel unloved, or that no one cares, just talk to someone. I know it's hard, I know it is, but talking made things so much better for me, and it is helping my friend too. She has only cut once since she started talking to a counseller.

So, here is the next chapter. I was finally able to write this without bursting into tears, so I should be able to get more chapters up soon. Please enjoy the next chapter of 'Bullet'.

* * *

><p><em>I'm twenty stories up, yea up at the top<em>  
><em>I've polished off this bottle now it's pushin' me off<em>  
><em>Asphalt to me has never looked so soft<em>  
><em>I bet my momma found my letter now she's calling the cops<em>

Lovino gave a yawn as he slipped down the stairs, he could already hear his brother babbling away to Nonno in the kitchen. He quietly took his place at the table, regarding his Nonno with a curt nod. The table was silent for a moment as they served themselves. Feliciano must have made dinner, Lovino decided, as it was a meal of manicotti and cesaer salad. He heaped foor onto his plate and began to shovel the salad into his mouth. He could feel his Nonno's eyes burning into his head as he ate. Great, that ment that he was going to try and start a conversation. Sure enough, Nonno cleared his throat. "So, how was your day at school guys?" He asked, Italian accent dripping from every word while he wore a far to cheerful grin on his face. "Good." Lovino said curtly, between mouthfuls of pasta and salad. Nonno sighed and turned to Feliciano, who instantly began to chatter on and on about his school day, his classes, and friends he had made. Lovino didn't really listen until he heard something that interested him, Feliciano had joined the track team. He blinked and looked up at his brother. By the sounds of things, Feiciano had done something to piss off some British kid in the grade above them, apparently the student aid for his class, and the boy had chased him around the track. Feliciano had gone top speed around the track several times and the PE teacher, who if he gathered correctly from Feliciano's all over the map stor was Ludwig's dad, had marvelled at his speed and requested he joined the track team. Lovino sighed, he was just as fast, if not more, as his brother and could always beat him in races. He could join the track team if he wanted to, but that would mean getting close to people, as well as wearing a t-shirt and shorts. Suddenly he was aware that his Nonno had said something. He blinked twice and Roma sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I said, why don't you join track Lovino? You're good at running too." Lovino shook his head and just continued to shovel food into his mouth. Roma sighed and placed his fork down, giving Lovino a disapproving stare. "Honestly Lovino, could you atleast try to be like your brother? All you do is go to school, hide up in your room, eat, then go back to your room. You're going to get fat, and it's no wonder no one wants to be your friend." Lovino slammed down his fork and pushed back from the table quickly, chair topling to the ground with a clatter that made Feliciano flinch. Roma sighed, and only watched as his grandson stomped up the stairs.

Lovino grabbed the black box from his room before he went into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it behind him. He flicked on the shower and fished the small, black box from his hoodie pocket, and placing it on the shelf in he shower. He then procided to flip the lid on the toliet up, and hunching over it. He took a deep breath and slowly pushed his fingers down his throat until he gagged and threw up the just consumed dinner. Lovino remained hunched over the toliet for a moment, trembling, before slowly standing up and wiping the corner of his mouth and stripping off his clothes. He sighed and unwrapped the gauze from his arm, rolling it in toliet paper and throwing it away, before climbing into the shower. He grabbed the small box and flicked it open. With a shakey hand he pulled one of the tiny blades from within it, before restoring the box back the the shelf. He let his breath come in shakey gasps, before sliding down to sit in the shower, sobs quietly tearing their way from his lips. He stayed that way for a few minutes, water pounding down on his head, before he brought the blade to his arm.

_One, two, three._

He began cutting away at his left arm.

_Four, five, six._

He watched blood bubble up from the slits, sliding down his arms, mixing with the water in trails of red liquid.

_Seven, eight, nine._

He gave one last shakey gasp, before breathing normal again. Lovino watched the blood drip from his finger tips, hiding the floor of the bath tub before being washed away by the shower water. He held the blade under the water, before tossing it in the box and burying his face in his blood covered arms. _Failure, that's all you are. _A familar voice in the back of his mind piped up. "I know..." He whispered hoarsely. "I know..." He sat there for a few more minutes, before Lovino finally found the strength to stand. _I bet you couldn't even kill yourself you big failure. FAILURE FAILURE FAILURE._ Lovino shook his head. "I know!" He protested softly, washing his arms and remaining under the warm water until the bleeding stopped. _Then just do it already, you worthless shit. Just kill yourself._ He wrapped himself in a fuzzy red towel, grabbing the roll of gauze and clip from the counter. "I will." He whispered, wrapping his arm and pulling on his hoodie. "I will..." He pulled on sweat pants and rubbed the towel over his hair in an attempt to dry it, before tossing the towel in the bin. He took a deep breath and unlocked the bathroom door, heading into his room.

Once in the safety of his room, Lovino changed into a simply long sleeved top and fresh sweats for bed. He placed the box back in his hiding spot and looked at the clock. It was only 8:04. He huffed and opened his laptop, pulling up a facebook tab. Instantly he was greeted by several friend notifications. He blinked in confusion, this was a new developement, who would want to be friends with him? He clicked on it. The first was from Matthew, then Gilbert, then Francis, then those friends of Feliciano, Kiku and Ludwig. He added them, although he was a little reluctant to adde Francis, Gilbert, and Ludwig, but saw they already added his brother. Lovino decided it best to keep an eye on them for the time being. He scrolled around and was just about to log off in favour of tumblr, when anopther friend notification popped up. This time it was from a certain Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. He stared at it for a few minutes, hand hovering over the mouse. Somehow, he just knew getting close to this Antonio person could be a very dangerous thing. He was too touchy feely, too friendly. Heck, he hadn't even known Lovino, but had hugged him and given him a nickname. Lovino rubbed his temple and groaned slightly, before ignoring the friend request and logging off. He suddenly didn't feel like going on tumblr and turned off his laptop. Lovino yawned and crawled into his bed, glancing at the clock. 9:37, a decent enough time to go to sleep he supposed. He set his alarm and lay down under the covers, staring at the ceiling. As usual, even though he was tired, he found that sleep wasn't taking him over. He lay there, eyes wide open as he heard his Nonno begin getting ready for bed. His mind buzzed like an angry bee, whispering to him tiny, poisonious thoughts. Thoughts that had plagued him for ages. He closed his eyes and let tears stream down his face silently, the light outside flicking off as his grandfather went to bed. He gave a muffled cry and covered his ears. "I know. I know." He agreed with the nasty words, before slipping into a fitful sleep.

_Die. Die. Die. Worthless. Fat. Ugly. Useless. Die. Die. Die. Unloved. Unwanted. Hated. Mean. Die. Die. Die._

_Why don't you just die?_


End file.
